Merry belated Christmas dudes and pervs

Octopussy

Seriously ladies. Get a god damn vibrator. It's one thing to put an inanimate object in there, but this is straight up bestiality. I pretty much try and stay away from the whole "chick fucks dog" or "sex with horse" stuff, but it would appear as though this one makes the exception. Why? IT'S OCTOPUS PENETRATION. Is that her boyfriend then slapping it back on top of her? Did they have some agreement that after her vag shot it out he should put it on her body again? What the hell? I'm sure there's a perfectly good penis behind that camera you crazy nutbag.

Strike? Spare?

Fuck a bowling pin!

My problem with this particular video is not that the woman is masturbating with a bowling pin, then swaps to a black dildo, or that I think she's German, or that she's so boob-less her nipples are the only thing to hide under a bra.... I think at some point she may've been a dude.

For the record, I have absolutely no issue with pre, or post-op transvestites. But this woman is more unattractive than any transvestite, and good god woman don't get naked in front of a camera!

If you're looking to masturbate, this next video, while related, is from Youtube and therefore not terribly pornographic, unless you're a bowling pin... but I was entertained.

There's a few other videos out there with bowlings pins, but they're either kind of boring, or "HOLY CRAP YOU FIT *WHAT* IN YOUR ASS?!" videos, so I don't really suggest them.
Pft. I might as well be a porno review site. Anyway... I had no idea bowling pins were so large. How the hell does one acquire those to penetrate anyway? Not like I'm going to use this information for myself or anything.

Talkers are lame

Not only does she look extremely happy... she looks like she's talking a mile a minute.

Imagine if these bottles broke while in use...

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Wet riffs

More sexy guitar pictures that are more humorous than probably intended. Thank you Lucas for introducing me to Wet Riffs.

Like a record baby

Trying explaining a broken urethra after this little stunt.

Speaking of urethra's: there's a lot wrong with a 9 year old rapping about it with her family in the car. This is on youtube and therefore work safe. I wonder how much rehearsal went into this.

Do you like the taste of your own snot?

Ladies, have you ever gone down on a guy while you have a cold, only to later realize all the snot pour of of your nose and you started to rub it on his dick? No? Well... please don't record it if it happens. That's fucking disgusting.

I wonder if he got off...

Guitar Sex... or not.

So I saw this awful thing:
My favorite comment is: "Don't fret, it's a female guitar with a strap-on whammy bar"

The song doesn't have words and isn't that great. Either way, that video isn't the point. It prompted me to look up some guitar sex.

Then there was this video of Tila Tequila having some sexy photoshoot with a guitar.... you know it's classy because of the Playboy bunny bellybotton ring, which, by the way, I haven't seen anywhere in around 10 years.

After not being able to find anything, I gave up on sex with a guitar and found this super awesome sex hair. Thank you Japan! The perverted half of my mind loves you long time.